Reassurance

To all of you reading who are new to the world of Broken Ankleism.

I’m imagining that you, dear reader, are at the beginning of your journey.  You’re freshly dispatched from A&E with a Backslab cast and you’re wondering what the hell has happened to your life in the past 24 hours.  I’ve been blogging about my inner feelings for the past few weeks, but I felt that a summarising post was necessary.  A post that you can quickly refer to, just to reassure yourself that you are normal.

So here are the key feelings that you may experience.

  1. If you are used to being the housewife/husband and your partner has taken over, nothing they do in the first 14 days will be right or up to your “standards”.
  2. You will feel guilty that you’re not doing anything
  3. You will feel useless and like a burden
  4. You will feel totally overwhelmed that you will be off your feet for at the very least 6 – 8 weeks, and in reality it’s going to be more like 12 weeks before you’re back in the saddle.  Actually that thought still overwhelms me (I’m 5 weeks in) so I’m not going to read that back to myself.
  5. You will worry if you ever will be able to walk “normally” again.
  6. You will regret not walking your dog for 10 miles a day while you had the chance.
  7. You will worry about your job.
  8. You will start to go stir crazy.
  9. You will watch rubbish like The Jeremy Kyle show – and wish that you could walk 10 miles with your dog just to avoid daytime TV.
  10. You will make mental lists about what you’re going to do when you are able to walk again.  If you never had a bucket list before, you will make one now.  Mine includes visiting the Grand Canyon and the Shoes by the River Exhibit in Budapest.  Best get a passport then…..
  11. You will think that you will NEVER be able to control your crutches.  You will.  I promise.
  12. You will discover you have a temper.  In the early days you will lose the plot at the slightest thing or if someone/something isn’t in the right place at the right time.  Reassurance for your loved ones – this does get better.  It’s gradually improving for me anyhow.
  13. You will miss driving and your independence.
  14. You will wonder if you’ll be able to weight bear without your ankle snapping again immediately.
  15. You will feel slightly jealous at some point of those that can drive or those that are independent.
  16. You will think about events that you’ve got planned for the year ahead and wonder if you’ll be able to cope.
  17. You will enjoy, for a brief period, being the centre of attention.  That stops when you realise how long you will be out of service.
  18. You may have a period of time where you sink under covers and feel very blue.  You will seriously consider the possibility of hibernation for the duration of your recovery.
  19. You will realise what’s really important in life.
  20. This will change you.

I’m sure, being at week 5 myself, I will continue to be able to add to that list as the weeks go on.  It’s really important that you know that you’re not alone.  There are others in exactly the same position.  And most importantly you’re not alone in how you feel.  Your feelings are normal.  You will recover.  That last point is what I’m hanging onto myself right now.

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An achievable life

Oh to do the things I normally do.

Who would’ve thought that I would miss tasks like loading the washing machine and dryer!  However, I’m sure that with a bit of adaptation I could manage to do at least something other than fall down the side of the toilet?

Here’s my wish list.  I will cross things off as I achieve them!

  • Go to the loo – without fearing for my life
  • Make a cup of tea
  • Make myself a sandwich
  • Do some washing up (even if I realise afterwards that I’ve used the sponge that’s used to clean the dog bowls out)
  • Get dressed in something other than tracksuit bottoms
  • Be able to get into my wardrobe and chose what I want to wear without having to plan a military operation
  • Be able to put my knickers on without swearing or pulling a muscle
  • Realise that I’m actually not superhuman and need to rest and not feel guilty about it
  • Load the washing machine
  • Drive the car (that’s a long way off)
  • Tackle a flight of stairs – even if it’s on my bum
  • Learn to tackle the outside steps on my crutches – so husband no longer has to half carry half drag me back into the house
  • Stop feeling envious of my friends leading their normal happy lives
  • Let go of the fear.  It’s a bloody plaster cast….not an angry alligator clamped to my leg (although it feels like it at times)
  • Cook a meal for the family.
  • Stop worrying about what will happen financially.
  • Realise that this is a temporary situation.  This will pass.  I will walk on two legs again.
  • Lay to rest the fact that I may not be able to wear high heels and glamorous shoes again….not that I have in the past 5 years anyway.  I’m a Skechers girl though and through!
  • Create another page on this blog listing all the useful tips that are being passed my way by others in the same situation.